is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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