kristin has been a bad kristin
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
