Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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