i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
