I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
