1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
