remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
