I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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