some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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