Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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