i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
