Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
