You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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