There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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