you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
