That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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