But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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