dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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