Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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