so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
