We need to rekindle our bromance
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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