Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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