p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
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