Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
