This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
