I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
