Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
