I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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