what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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