why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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