Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
