Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
