Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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