im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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