I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
