I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
