It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
God gave him joint rollers for hands
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
