I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
