i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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