Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
