I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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