do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i came on her dog
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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