Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
