please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
