I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
