I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
