All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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