note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
