The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
