take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
