I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
