i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
