But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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